親子教養：稱職的教養 (Good Parenting)
作者：諾曼萊特 (H. Norman Wright)
教養孩童，使他走當行的道 (依其個別之恩賜或性向)，就是到老他也不偏離。(箴廿二6，增註版聖經)
坊間已有許多關於教養兒女的書籍。我們也耳聞教導孩子的方式有：放任型、限制型、忽視型和獨裁型等。哪一種最好呢？父母當做些什麼呢？Jack & Judith Balswick 夫婦給了我們以下的答覆：
有些教養方式，能夠促進孩童的成長；其他的一些方式，則因爲太促長倚賴心，或過早期待兒女的獨立自主，而阻礙了成長。
在早期嘗試了解教養方式的研究中，已做出放任型和限制型，這兩種相對應的區別。放任型的支持者，並不排斥管教的需要，但著重強調孩子最大的需要是溫情與安全感。限制型的支持者，並不排斥父母對孩子的愛，但強調孩子最大的需要是紀律、責任與自我控制。
從過去三十年有關教養的眾多研究看來，有兩個要素—父母的控制與父母的支持—顯示出來是稱職教養的重要元素。父母的控制，意謂著作父母的，要積極主動地提供指導方針，設立界限，指導孩子的行為朝向理想的方向。父母的支持，是指父母給予孩子的肯定、鼓勵、支持，使孩子確知他們是被接納、被關愛的。
有些父母擅長於教導正確的行爲，但卻無法在自己的生活中，來身體力行。實際上，這等於告訴孩子：「照我所說的去做，但我怎麼行你不要管。」當父母自身無法活出所教導的行爲標準時，孩子心中會十分清楚，並感到忿恨不平。孩子會認清父母的言行不一，當父母提出要求時，孩子會無法敬重父母，或是反抗。
另一方面，光是注重身教，卻從來不向孩子解釋，自己堅持某些價值和信念的原因，這同樣缺少了適當的技巧。重要的是，父母要花時間向孩子說明，爲何期待他們有好的行爲，藉此來引導、裝備、幫助兒女。這是我們所尋求的平衡，或許形容為管教的角色，最為貼切。
你是屬於哪一型的父母？
Parenting Devotional: Good Parenting
Author: H. Norman Wright
Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent] and when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6, AMP).
There are so many books about parenting. We hear about permissive, restrictive, neglectful, and authoritarian styles. Which is best? What are parents to do? Here are some answers from Jack and Judith Balswick:
While some parenting styles encourage growth and are empowering, others hinder or block growth either by fostering dependency or by expecting self-reliance prematurely.
Early attempts to understand parenting styles made a distinction between permissive versus restrictive parenting. Proponents of the permissive style, while not rejecting the need for discipline, stressed that a child‵s greatest need is for warmth and security. Those holding to the restrictive style, while not rejecting parental affection, emphasized that a child‵s greatest need is for discipline, responsibility and self-control.
In hundreds of studies done on parenting styles over the last thirty years, two factors—parental control and parental support—have emerged as the most important elements in good parenting. The term parental control means that you, as a parent, actively provide guidelines, set limits, direct and redirect your child‵s behavior in some desired direction. The term parental support refers to the affirmation, encouragement, and general support that you give to assure your children that they are accepted and cared for.
Some parents are great at teaching right behavior but not so good at following through in their own lives. In effect they tell their children, "Do as I say not as I do." Children will understandably feel resentful when parents fail to live by the standards they preach. Children recognize the incongruence and may be disrespectful or rebellious when parents make demands.
On the other hand, parents who model right behavior but never provide explanations and good reasons for the values and beliefs they hold are also lacking appropriate skills. It is important that parents guide, equip, and empower their children by taking time to give the whys of the behavior they expect from them. It’s balance we‵re looking for, perhaps best described as a disciplining role.
What type of parent are you?
